Something Called Life

It is hard for me to keep track of what i have and haven't updated info on.... I have been very busy with work lately. In addition to that, i picked up a lovely cold, and was sick all weekend, so today i am home sick, trying to recuperate enough to return to work tomorrow. Caleb does not want me to push myself too hard for the baby's sake, so i am forcing myself to take it easy today and drink plenty of fluids. I figured this was the opportune time to catch up on some blogging and journaling, since i rarely have the time or energy to anymore.

Lately my response to everyone's question of "how are you???" or "hows life going?" is "oh i'm alive...." and "well, its life." haha. that seems to be the only way to express it, and luckily everyone understands exactly what that means. Life is life. It has its ups and downs... its good days, its bad days..... full of surprises, but so repetitive at the same time. Life seems to be the only way to describe it now days. Don't get me wrong, it is wonderful, and i am doing very well, its just tedious....

 I am homesick like always, and being sick has made it especially hard. I am STILL waiting to find out if i will even be able to go home and visit my family this winter.... and i'm am sick and tired of waiting around for an answer while the plane ticket prices are steadily rising. it is frustrating, and when i go back to work i am ready to take it into my own hands and find out an answer once and for all! i just hope it is the answer i want.... it is very important to me to go home, and no one seems to understand. but... i will try my best to accept whatever answer i've been given, and remember that the Lord's timing is always best.

I don't remember if i've told you, but Caleb and I were called to work in the Nursery a few weeks ago, and that has been very tiring. The last three weeks i have missed it because i have not felt well, and i feel horrible for making it seem like i'm ditching out on a calling! I am hoping i will be able to be there next week while Caleb is at drill...it will be strange going to church without him! I feel stupid because i don't really know anyone... but i still enjoy our Ward. I just don't know what i will do when Caleb is gone....

Work has been exhausting with the Holiday season starting... it seems like there are never enough people working to get everything done we are supposed to, and Management seems to be rushing EVERYTHING out, and giving us a million extra things to do every day. It makes me frustrated and worn out...and i just hope i will have the patience not to throw a hissy-fit about it, and just do what they ask me to without complaint. My coworkers are very nice, and i only have problems with certain ones...a grumpy lady named Elizabeth that i don't have to work with very much,... and then sometimes a guy named Weston. He is nice, he just likes to argue and get people's goat, and i just don't have the patience for that with this pregnancy... i ended up in tears one day, and many others i have had to literally bite my lip to keep from saying things i don't mean, and literally hold myself back from punching him in the face. I know he doesn't mean to, its just frustrating, and i just can't handle him sometimes. but other than that i don't really have any problems with anyone.

We got a new starter for the truck so that we wouldn't have to worry about getting stranded in places, and it was pretty pricey. One night i was stuck at work til almost 1 because it wouldn't start and i just bawled my head off. i felt bad because once again my parents stepped up to help us with money. I know they don't help Minda and Mitchell near us much as they help us, and i just hope its not causing problems... i really hate to ask for help so often.... i just hope they know we are grateful. This last week we again had to replace a part, when the truck decided to stall out on my way to work and leave me in the middle of a busy road. instantly i started calculating all the different amounts of money it could cost, and how much we do not have.... but luckily for us the Lord blessed us, and i did not cost us much at all. The person that happened to be right behind me was a gentleman who was a mechanic at one point, and the people right behind him was the Fire Department. So with their assistance they pulled me out of the road and quickly found the problem. Then the Fire Department transported us right down the road to an Autozone where i paid about $30 for a new ignition coil. Then the very kind gentleman installed it, and i was back on the road in under an hour. I felt very blessed, and i know that it is because we have been continuing to pay our tithing even though the times are rough that we recieved those blessings.

Life is continuing on just like it should... and there doesn't seem to be any new, exciting news to share. The baby is doing well, and i have started to show, and i find it all very exciting. the nauseousness seems to be subsiding, and i only have problems when i get hungry. i believe the mood swings are calming down too... i just hope this little cold has not caused any complications.

Keisha has moved back to Idaho, and Micah will be joining her in December. We only saw eachother a few times while she was here, and we have rarely only spoken once since she left, and all i can say is i wish her the best. I don't think it is beneficial for me to get caught up in drama anymore, so its kinda a "good riddance to you" kind of thing. I am determined to move past any relationships that are dragging me down emotionally, because i really can't handle any more drama than my own right now. If people can't be happy for me, and are only faking it, then they can go waste someone else's time. Now its not necessarily Keisha that is causing that specific problem, its just that i don't feel like naming names. it doesn't help anything, and i wish them all the best in their endeavors in life, and hopefully one day they will be able to look back and understand it all, its just not my place anymore. I need to realize that allot of the people who needed me back in high school, don't anymore, and it is ok to move past them. i can't hold back my life on memories, cuz life changes, and its supposed to. I know that i have many wonderful friends and family members that are still there for me and always will be, and those are the ones that i will spend my time thinking of, not the ones that forgot about me long ago.

But... the one thing that i am realizing is that all of this is just another part of life. You move on, you grow up, you change. if you didn't, you wouldn't be living. I think there is a big deference between living, and just existing. everyday i keep trying to remind myself "this is just another little part of a thing we like to call LIFE...."