One Month Down

Connor will be one month old on Friday! The time has gone by sooooo fast! He's finally outgrown his newborn size clothes, and he's starting to become a bit of a chunk! Lately he HATES sleeping, and will scream his head off if i try to put him down. Even if i got him to fall asleep holding him the second i lay him down he is awake and SCREAMING! i'm hopeful he will grow out of it though. He was supposed to get pictures taken today and miraculously he was sleeping when she arrived! but....she wanted him awake :( so after waking him up he was TICKED OFF! he was seriously furious that i would dare wake him up! so needless to say, it didn't go well, and will have to be redone another day. after she left he promptlly fell right back asleep. i'm a bit baffled by it since lately its been the norm for him to refuse to sleep at all, but, on the brightside, it allows me to get to do a bit of blogging and other needed things. :)

i have started a countdown until Caleb can come home! i'm very excited about it :) he will fly home August 4th!!! His graduation is the 3rd, but we will not be going since we are trying to save money, and it would be a bit stressful for me with Connor. i really wish i could go see him.... but it won't be happening, so i must be patient and wait til he returns home. we are down to 7 weeks! yay!!! i'm sooooo ready for him to be home! i have not been enjoying this whole "single mom" type experience. its not easy, and its not fun, and to be honest, i'm tired of the pitying looks i get from people. People keep telling me how strong i must be to handle all of this alone, but i'm really not. no one sees what goes on at home. behind closed doors i'm constantly on the verge of hysterical breakdowns. but i try to keep that to only when Connor is sleeping. He seems to sense when my emotions, and i don't like him getting fussy and stressed just because i am. Caleb's been gone for 20 weeks now, and we've only spent 1 week of that together. not very fun. :( i can't wait for him to be done!!! i'm tempted to make a countdown to his return chain :).

i've been a bit bummed lately because i wanted to do something special for his first Father's Day, but i couldn't. There isn't very much i could send him, and if i send a card it probably won't get there in time :(. i feel like a horrible wife! i know its not that big of a deal to him, but still. i guess i just gotta see what i can come up with in the next few days.