Post - Baby Body = GRRRRRRR

Today i did a much dreaded thing.... i went through all my pre-pregnancy clothes. Now there's unfortunately not much left. I have started doing pilates everyday, and i'm trying to eat healthy, but unfortunately for me i don't understand the difference between normal food and healthy food. i don't' understand what things to avoid, and how much of each thing to eat... and diets are not my forte. My way of eating healthy is avoiding snacky food, and dessert, which is INCREDIBLY hard for me. i'm sure i'm doing everything wrong, but i'm trying to tell myself that i'm making an effort so it counts. I have been a bit surprised at myself lately because i want soooo bad to go for a run. i HATE running. they usually end in an asthma attack, and they normally only last a few minutes. but, i have no one to leave Connor with. I'm sure i could always ask a friend from the ward, but i don't' want to drive Connor over, just to drive back while i run and other things for maybe 30 minutes, then drive back and pick him up, just to drive back home again. it seems a waste. then i get all discouraged because i don't think i'm working out enough for it to count. i'm doing about 25 minutes of pilates a day.... but i can't really expect there to be any obvious results after only a week... but it would be alot more encouraging if it did! :( atleast i've been sore... that must mean its doing something, even if its not much.  i am keeping most of my pre-pregnancy size pants and skirts because i'm hoping to one day (hopefully sometime in the next year) fit into them again. pretty much every single one of my dresses are gone though, due to the fact that my bust size doesn't allow them to zip up past that point now, or i can't pull the dress past that point. and the majority of my nice dress shirts also have that problem. my mother said i shouldn't count on ever fitting that back into the old size, so i guess there was no point in keeping them hoping to shrink back. and i'm ok with that though. so, nearly all my nice dressy clothes are gone, and i'm left with a bunch of over-sized t-shirts, and my maternity pants that are huge now so i look a million times bigger than i really am. its slightly disheartening :(. i wish we had a ton of money so i could buy a new wardrobe that actually fits! i guess all of this is nice for my dear sister Jessica who wanted to have my dresses anyways, but i wouldn't let her. now, her already plentiful wardrobe will continue to grow, while mine shrinks to near non-existence. lovely. but atleast someone is benefiting from this very annoying situation. i made the mistake of looking at old pictures of me the other day, and man was i skinny! i think my hips have widened to the point that i'll never look that thin ever again! i know Connor is worth it all, but grr i wish it wouldn't take so long to shed all the pregnancy pounds! i'm still about 15 lbs heavier than i was when i got pregnant :( and even then i was still about 10 lbs heavier than i wanted to be. i would loooove if i could go back to the 120 i was after highschool, lol but i'm pretty darn certain that's never gonna happen. i'm trying to tell myself that 125 is an ok goal weight to reach, but who knows, that's still pretty little and i don't' know if i'll ever be that way again!. its frustrating to have to tell myself i need to loose like 20 lbs! or maybe more... i made myself promptly forget the weight i was at my last doctor appoinment. but i remember thinking WHAT THE?!?!?!!?!? not fun :(.  so, i've been working hard at trying to make some goals for myself. hopefully i will be able to keep it up, cuz i'm going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding in September, and i'd hate to look ginormous next to every one of the skinny cute girls. cross your fingers for me!!!