Fun Memories to Pass the Time

My bestest cousin Bethy came to see me!!!! :) it was soooo much fun! We got to talk about so much, and it made me so happy to see her so happy! It has been crazy seeing how much we've both changed and grown over the years, but i love that we've managed to stay close despite the distance. We did some fun stuff while she was here like taking Connor to the pool for the first time, and going to visit a ghost town, and even braving the horrible heat in my apartment when the AC went out. We talked a ton, and watched chick flicks, and laughed over memories and the new dumb stuff we did like driving forever across town because i'm a dummy... haha i don't think either of us are very good navigators! It was so great having her here! It helped distract me from missing Caleb, and it was wonderful to have someone here to help with Connor! So glad she got to come!!! :) We made some great memories :)


Caleb should be home in one more month. i'm soooo anxious for it! I've began to miss him horribly... i realized he's been gone for almost 6 months. i want him to be home with me again, and to be able to watch Connor grow. I know its hard on him to not be here sharing these experiences with us, and i try hard to help keep him from getting too lonely or sad. Technically there's only a few more weeks, so i'm just trying to tell myself it will go by fast if i keep myself busy busy busy. I'm distracting myself by making all sorts of plans for our big trip to Idaho in September. I'm sooo excited for it! :) i have so many friends i want to see, and i miss my family! While we're there i get to be in one of my best friend's weddings, and i am so excited to get to share a part in her big day! While we're there we will be having a few big days ourselves :) we are finally going to get to go through the temple!!!! It has been a long wait, but its finally going to happen! waiting all these months for Caleb to come home has been a painfully long wait, but i know it will all be worth it! i'm hoping to get the temple scheduled this next week and then we will have a for sure date! i can't wait for our little family to be sealed together for eternity!!!

Connor is getting so big! i can't believe time is going by so fast... he was supposed to stay teeny weeny forever! He has started making all sorts of new faces, and also new sounds. Lately he makes this little clicking sound with his tongue. he coos and i think he tries to laugh sometimes! he loves when i hold him so he can stand, and he has developed a new habit of grabbing my hair. He ADORES his baths, and always gets all smiley when he gets them, and also when he gets diaper changes. not sure what it is about that changing table, but he always stops crying when i set him on it! He loves squealing and staring at my fanny faces i make at him, and he LOVES attention. in fact, he gets mad when i don't pay enough attention. He burps easy, eats well, sleeps well (when he wants to be sleeping), and overall is a perfectly sweet baby boy. I'm lucky enough to not get peed on very often, and he's only pooped in his bath once, although he does seem to be a fan of peeing in it. he rarely causes problems, and loves to snuggle! needless to say, i completely adore him. :)

Blah Blah Blah

I know this is really weird to say, but life feels so blah right now. i keep waiting for something to happen, and then nothing does, and i spend all day just sitting here trying to force myself to do something useful. alot of people keep telling me to let myself recover and not push myself hard and that i need time to relax. i kind of wonder if they forget that if i don't do things, it won't get done. and i've had plenty of weeks to recover. but the thing is, i don't have Caleb here to help me. i can't leave the dishes for him to help me with when he gets home. I can't hand Connor off to him when i feel like screaming or crying. unfortunately these things just aren't luxuries i have right now. so, i MUST get things done, and i MUST be strong and push myself to work hard each day. if i don't, i just sit at home sinking into a a huge pity party. and that isn't something i really want to do. yes, i have my woah is me moments, but i'm trying hard not to let it drag me down. it does me no good to be depressed, and it does Caleb no good to worry about me and feel bad for being gone. i've been trying really hard to keep busy, but i'm kind of running out of things to do. of course my top priority is taking care of Connor, but while he's sleeping i've got nothing to do. At times i feel like i've become "Connor's Mommy" instead of just plain old Rebecca. don't get me wrong, that's not a bad thing, but i just can't keep hiding behind him as an excuse for everything i do or don't do. He IS my main priority, but that doesn't mean i have to quit going places or seeing people, and i can't quit being me and doing the things i like. i don't want to quit all of it, but i find myself feeling a bit lost when i try to spend time on me. it's weird. i could probably just blame it all on baby blues or something, but it just bothers me a bit. I've been missing home alot lately. I miss my family, and my friends. I miss Caleb so much that sometimes i just sit and try to cry, but I'm becoming so accustom to feeling lonely that i can't even cry i just sit and feel empty inside. i'm trying to remind myself only 6 more weeks until he's home, but during weak moments it still seems like an eternity til he's here with me again... i've been trying to spend all my spare time working on little projects, but i'm running out of them. I've compiled a list that i try to do a few things of each day, because its hard for me to remember all the things i used to like. it's been helping a bit, but it still bothers me that i have to FORCE myself to do the things that i used to love doing. i'm not quite sure what changed all of it... but because of it i've decided that i need to start fresh with everything. I need to start working on me. i need to make goals, and work on talents, and make new discoveries of things i enjoy and am good at. i need to discover myself again in a way. i need to find a way to be able to have good days instead of every day being just the same old ..."blah"...

One Month Down

Connor will be one month old on Friday! The time has gone by sooooo fast! He's finally outgrown his newborn size clothes, and he's starting to become a bit of a chunk! Lately he HATES sleeping, and will scream his head off if i try to put him down. Even if i got him to fall asleep holding him the second i lay him down he is awake and SCREAMING! i'm hopeful he will grow out of it though. He was supposed to get pictures taken today and miraculously he was sleeping when she arrived! but....she wanted him awake :( so after waking him up he was TICKED OFF! he was seriously furious that i would dare wake him up! so needless to say, it didn't go well, and will have to be redone another day. after she left he promptlly fell right back asleep. i'm a bit baffled by it since lately its been the norm for him to refuse to sleep at all, but, on the brightside, it allows me to get to do a bit of blogging and other needed things. :)

i have started a countdown until Caleb can come home! i'm very excited about it :) he will fly home August 4th!!! His graduation is the 3rd, but we will not be going since we are trying to save money, and it would be a bit stressful for me with Connor. i really wish i could go see him.... but it won't be happening, so i must be patient and wait til he returns home. we are down to 7 weeks! yay!!! i'm sooooo ready for him to be home! i have not been enjoying this whole "single mom" type experience. its not easy, and its not fun, and to be honest, i'm tired of the pitying looks i get from people. People keep telling me how strong i must be to handle all of this alone, but i'm really not. no one sees what goes on at home. behind closed doors i'm constantly on the verge of hysterical breakdowns. but i try to keep that to only when Connor is sleeping. He seems to sense when my emotions, and i don't like him getting fussy and stressed just because i am. Caleb's been gone for 20 weeks now, and we've only spent 1 week of that together. not very fun. :( i can't wait for him to be done!!! i'm tempted to make a countdown to his return chain :).

i've been a bit bummed lately because i wanted to do something special for his first Father's Day, but i couldn't. There isn't very much i could send him, and if i send a card it probably won't get there in time :(. i feel like a horrible wife! i know its not that big of a deal to him, but still. i guess i just gotta see what i can come up with in the next few days.

Squeeky Clean!

Connor got his first real bath today! he had his two week doctors appointment, and she said he was all ready to start baths! his umbilical cord did fall off last week, but there had been some left inside that still had to come out before she advised getting it wet. but at yesterdays appointment it came right off, so after waking up this morning it was bath time!!!! i tried to record parts of it for Caleb, and take pictures, but multitasking is not my strong point, so that didn't exactly work out. But thats ok lol. He seemed to really enjoy the bath after he got over the initial shock of being sat in water when that had never happened before lol. the doctor also said he is gaining weight beautifully! he's up to 8 12 now! :)

A Weekend With Daddy!

 
Caleb got to come home to spend Memorial Day Weekend with Connor! I felt like the time passed much too quickly, but we definitely got a lot done and enjoyed all the time we had together as a family. We picked him up from the airport about noon, and after a stop at home to unpack and do some snuggling we headed to the car dealership. Thursday afternoon my dad and mom had taken me to try to find a couple cars so Caleb and I wouldn't have to spend all Friday searching. We found Berge Ford, and there i found an amazing deal on a car! We had been intended to get a Ford Fusion, but there weren't any that were quite as in our price range. The car i found was DEFINITELY more affordable, and i was really excited to show Caleb. So on Friday when i showed him, we took it on a test drive, and that was all it took. I was a bit nervous to see how all the financing would go, but luckily for us, my parents were AMAZING and were willing to cosign on the loan, and in the end it all worked out beautifully! We traded the old truck in, so now i don't have to worry about breaking down wherever we go, or about being roasted in the Arizona summer heat. :) And we got more money out of the truck than we had even expected to! When Caleb and my Dad went home to get the truck i just kept praying over and over and over again please don't let it break down on the way back here!!!! Not quite sure how we would have been able to explain our way out of that one! But we were blessed, and it drove fine the whole way. Once all the papers were signed and keys were handed over i felt a huge relief! One less thing for me to have to worry about while Caleb's gone! So now we are the owners of a 2005 Ford 500 :)

We spent the rest of the weekend trying to make sure all of our money and plans are in order. We extended our lease for our apartment, and got some shopping done, and redid our budget so i have it for the rest of the time Caleb is gone and won't have to stress. We took lots and lots of naps :). And each night we watched a little bit of Tangled. We'd get so tired that we'd just go to bed and pick up where we left off the next night lol. Caleb was so sweet about waking up and helping with Connor, and several times he walked the floor with him and just let me sleep. Pretty much adore my husband! Saturday was basically a lounge day for us, but it was wonderful. Sunday we decided to take Connor to church. I know alot of people say you should keep babies at home for the first month, but honestly, that just wasn't working for me. He did really well at church til close to the end of Sunday School i had to take him and feed him, and then he got all fussy, so we just left not far into the 3rd hr. But i'm pretty sure Caleb enjoyed getting to see people. After all, he hadn't been there for 4 1/2 months! After Church we all took a nap together, and after a late dinner we went on a walk :). It was the perfect way to end our little weekend together!

Growing, Growing, Growing

I have decided that being a Mommy is the best job in the world! Only had 9 days of practice so far, but they have been amazing! Connor is such a sweet little boy...very patient, doesnt cry very often, and he makes the cutest little sounds and faces! I can't wait for Caleb to get to see him!!! He'll be here tomorrow :) it will be so wonderful! This past week Connor has seemed to grow so much! His umbilical cord fell off this morning too. And he has been doing very well puttting weight back on! :) i sure wish he wouldnt scratch his face though lol. He had his first Drs Appoinment this week and his weight was back up to 8 lbs 1oz... and he'd already grown 1/2 inch! 21 1/2 inches now! We took him in again today becuase he had this weird lump on his head, but she said it was normal, and like a bruise from the pushing. He has gained more weight already and is 8lbs 5ozs now! Probably because he likes his eating so much now lol :) We have another appointment next week. Hopefully he'll just continue to grow strong and healthy! We're going to have a very exciting weekend while his Daddy is here! Soooooo excited!!!!

He's Here!!!!!

Connor Scott Barthlome - Born Tuesday May 17th, 2011 at 11:32 AM. 8 lbs, 9ozs, 21 inches long.

It was a long process, but he's finally here! We went in to be induced Monday morning, but by the end of the night still had made little progress. My mom came back home to sleep for the night, but i called her around 3 in the morning and told her to come back because i was dialated to a 4 and they were going to start me on the IV. i was a whimp and asked for an epidural only 1/2 an hr after that, but i felt sooooo much better after. It was hard not having Caleb there, or even being able to be in constant contact with him. Through alot of the process he had no clue what was going on. By 8:30 i had reached an 8, and had to have to Anesthesiologist come back in because only half of me was numb. I was worried that would happen due to my scoliosis, but after he came in and fixed it up i was completely fine: completely unabe to move my legs of feel at all, and that was just how i wanted it. When i was finally ready to start pushing Caleb called me from just getting out of class, and was able to get on Skype! So he was able to share in the birth somewhat by atleast being able to watch and talk me through the pushing. It was a wonderful tender mercy from the Lord in my mind. It only took about an hr and a half to push, and when he was finally out he was perfect! He was born with one litte hand by his face, which i thought was so cute since in ultrasounds he was always covering his face up with his hands. I was able to call American Red Cross shortly after the birth, and they FINALLY sent a message to his base, so Caleb is getting t come home this next weekend to see us!!! :) He decided to wait to come until Memorial Day Weekend because they get a 4 day weekend, so he won't have to miss any school, therefor his Graduation date won't get pushed back any. :) I can definently tell the Lord is very mindeful of our needs.

I got to bring Connor home on Thursday. He is the sweetest little boy, and rarely cries. He loves his sleep, and has finally gotten the hang of the eating thing! I have been taking all sorts of pictures and videos for Caleb so that he will not miss out on anything. Caleb flies in around 10 on Friday, and will get to stay until Monday when he flies out early that morning. It will be a short trip, but definitely worth it :). My mom heads home Friday with my Dad. He is flying down Thursday and then they are driving back together. I'm kind of nervous for it to just be me and Connor here at home, but i am confidant we will be through it despite difficulties. And we are planning to get a new car while Caleb is here, so that should solve all the car troubles we have had, and keep Connor and i from roasting to death this summer.I am definitely taking advantage of every minute I'll have with my men this weekend! :)