It's The Big Week!!!!

FINALLY!!!!!!!!

My husband will be home on Thursday! i'm so excited! it's wonderful to be able to think to myself  "Caleb will be home THIS WEEK!" i've been so excited about it i can hardly sleep, and i tell Connor over and over "daddy's coming home Connor, daddy's coming home!" pretty sure he has no clue what i'm saying, but he seems to sense that something exciting will happen. and i'm pretty sure he recognizes Caleb's voice from skyping, so it is going to be a wonderful reunion of our little family!!! i am so proud of my husband! he has worked so hard to finish his training with flying colors, and today he found out that he is a distinguished honors graduate!!!!! that is only awarded to the top few people in his class! that right there is proof that he has been doing a wonderful job! he obviously picked the right job for himself :). it now makes sense why his teachers said it was a waste that he's national guard instead of active duty. my dad said he would have got promoted for that if he'd been active duty. but either way, that is still a huge accomplishment for him and i'm incredibly proud! his graduation ceremony is Wednesday, but it is optional, so he may not go to it since we won't be there to take pictures or anything,and he won't be getting anything from it. But the important thing is that he gets to fly home the next day! he said he won't know his itinerary until that day, so he will have to let me know after he finds out, and then i can figure out when to be at the airport to pick him up. i will wait around all day if  i have to! i'm so so SO excited its finally time for him to come home!!!!

A Small Amount of Progress

So yesterday i tried on the three pairs of pre-pregnancy jeans that i saved as "motivational tools", and i was pleasantly surprised when two pairs of them actually could fit over my big butt and hips and button up! by no means do they look good buttoned, but i was a bit pleased to see that i could even get them on! before i couldn't get them past my thighs! they are a bit tight, and give me a serious muffin top issue, but i was still thrilled when i checked the sizes to see what they were! both pairs i could get on are Maurices jeans and they were a size 3 and a size 3/4! not bad for just having a baby 10 weeks ago, right??? i know i still need alot of work through the love handle area, but it was nice to see that I've slimmed down through the thigh area :). i now have even more motivation to get back into shape from the results i've been seeing! i'm very curious to know what weight i'm sitting at now, but i don't have a scale because i'm one of those people that prefers to just look and feel good instead of be paranoid about a certain weight. i guess that's why i've been keeping the jeans to measure how much i'm improving by how well they're fitting again. i've been trying hard to watch what i eat, and make sure i'm doing a short workout every day, and i'm very glad that it is very slowly making a difference. its a bit of a struggle to do long workouts because Connor gets so bored and fussy and wants attention, so i was hopeful even my small amounts of effort would pay off, and luckily they're beginning to :)

While i've been getting smaller and smaller, Connor has been getting bigger and bigger! He has now outgrown most of his 0-3 month size clothes, even though he is still only 2 months! i haven't been too sad about it because his 3-6 month clothes are ADORABLE! but it has been a pain to switch him to size 2 diapers when there's a whole thing of size 1 left unused. but, i'd prefer not to have blowouts, so the size 1 will just have to wait until the next kid comes along in a couple years. Connor has stared drooling a TON, so lately i've been putting bibs on him to help catch all the dripping drool. he's got the cutest bibs lol my favorite says "lock up your daughters" haha. which is great because he's got such a habit of flirting with the ladies already! his pediatrician told me this is the age they start teething even though we won't see teeth for quite a while, so i'm guessing that is the reason for all the drooly mess. and he's obsessed with sticking his tongue out so that probably doesn't help it much either. but he's so stinking cute its all worth it! and another thing that is worth it, is the money i spent to put the little music mobile for his crib. that thing really works! whenever its nap time or time for bed i'll stick him in his crib and turn it on, and by the time the music stops he's out like a rock! he LOVES it! he just stares and stares at it and as long as he's sleepy he won't even cry. i seriously love that thing. Connor is very receptive to routines and i barely have to do anything because he's fallen into the routine all by himself. it is such a blessing for me! i'm very glad to have such a sweet little baby!

My Little Chunk!

Well after Connor's doctor appointment the other day it is now official... he's a chunky little guy!!! he's in the 70th percentile with weight at 12 lbs 15 ozs, and in the 90th percentile with height at 24 3/4 inches! She said he is definently growing well though :). and both her and the nurse commented on how he is such a flirt already. i was thinking to myself oh no, he's sure getting a head start on all this!!!! he also got his shots and it was soooo hard to watch! i was in tears myself :(. i was very impressed that it took me less than five minutes to calm him down afterwards though. he's such a little sweetheart! we got to Skype his Daddy when we got home too and it seemed to be nice for Connor :).

I have spent the last couple days trying to convince myself that i can get through next week just fine. Caleb has their final field exercise, which means he wont have his phone at all. they leave tomorrow night and won't be back until Saurday. :( i know i should be able to survive it, i'm just a big baby and dont necessarily WANT to lol. after getting to txt him every day these last few months its hard to think i won't get to talk to him. but i'm trying to remind myself that after he's back he will have less than a week left before he will be home with us! its exciting to think its coming so soon, and i'm soooo ready to have him home! i've been working hard to get back in shape so he doesn't come home to a shabby flabby wife! he would never think that of me though, thats just me saying what i think of myself lol. its horrible i know, but i'm using it to help motivate me. i've bren keeping up a workout 5 or 6 times a week of usually 25-30 minutes, plus making sure i'm not eating a ton of fatty junk food. it seems to be slowly making a difference. byt then again, maybe its the fact that half the clothes i'm still wearing are maternity... haha. and the other half are too small! wish i could buy a new wardrobe!!!!

July 17th

July 21st

The Count-down Begins!

Tomorrow starts the 2 week countdown until Caleb graduates from AIT!!!!!!!!! I am SO excited! even though we won't be able to go to the graduation, i'm thrilled just to know that he will be home only a few days after that! I was going to have my countdown until the day he returns, but he can't remember exactly which day that is, so i figured it would work better for me to just countdown to a date that is set in stone :). i can't WAIT for him to be home! theres nothing more wonderful than having my best friend with me 24/7. being away from him these last 6 months have been soooo hard, but i've come to realize the phrase "distance makes the heart grow fonder" is very, very true. when its the real deal, distance doesn't take away from love, it just enhances it. i have loved seeing how much Caleb is true to himself in every situation in life. Getting to write him letters for 10 weeks was amazing for me. it was incredibly hard to not be able to see him or talk to him was horrible, but i think we learned so much about ourselves and eachother during that time, that only strengthened our love, and confirmed what we always knew was true; that we are competely made for eachother. i love knowing that, and seeing that time apart doesn't change any of that for us. While he's been at AIT i have loved all of our phone conversations and our skyping, and watching how much he loves our little family and wants to be with us, and that he would do absolutely anything in the world for us. i love to see his eyes light up when Connor smiles at him, and to hear him talk to him. I know it has to be so hard for him to miss the first 2 months of his sons life, but at the same time, it reminds me how dedicated he is to his dreams, and how much he is willing to sacrifice for us and for his country, and it makes me love him even more. he makes me fall more and more in love with him every single day without even having to try. :) just in case you missed the memo, i really love him :)

Sorry for all the mushiness, but sometimes i just can't help but talk about it. i think i truly am one lucky girl to have him! i will end with that thought, and move onto less sappy stuff....like my adorable little son! The past couple days we've been going over to my friend Marne's house, and her kids just ADORE Connor! They get soooo excited when hes there and want to hold him and kiss him, and i pretty much think its the cutest thing ever. It has been really fun to watch how Connor interacts with other kids all over him. As he will be the oldest of our kids, he hasn't had siblings to get in his face and spoil him and be loud and crazy. I love how well he handles big crazy get-togethers, because the family gatherings of my family are anything but calm and quiet. It's made me kind of happy inside to watch it. At first i was really worried he was getting too much stimulation and new things and that he was freaking out a bit, but Marne is really good making sure her kids don't get all up in his face or scream in his ears or anything. Its probably kind of nice for him to see and hear people other than his boring old Mommy. He's been doing sooo well at church too. I can't wait for Caleb to get to see it :). The time seems to be passing soooo quickly! I can't believe he's two months old already. And he's even getting his shots this Thursday. I'm NOT looking forward to it! :( i'm pretty sure i will be in tears! He has been growing sooo much, and people keep saying he looks big for his age, so i'm interested in seeing what his weight and height is and what percentile he falls into. And i've got to ask his Doctor about his horrible rash that keeps coming and going!!! as soon as i think its gone it comes back with full fury! i've been trying to find a connection between it and anything, but no luck :(. But hopefully his doctor will know, because i feel horrible when he's scratching and crying.

I have still been keeping up with my workout, but i keep having to force myself to do it. I'm loosing motivation, and i hate it. So today i installed an app on my phone that is a fitness tracker, that counts calories and records workouts and tells you how much you should be eating to reach your goal weight. i know i need to be careful about dieting because i am nursing, and i need to eat extra calories for that, but its nice for me to be able to see the different types of things i'm consuming each day, and how much of it is the wrong kinds of things, and not enough of the right. i'm pretty sure my eating habits need a major makeover, but it will have to wait until another time, because eating healthy seems to be soooo expensive, and our finances are a bit tight right now. but atleast i am aware of it all now, when before i had absoutely no idea if i was doing it right or wrong. maybe this will just help to encourage me to eat less junk food now :)

I am soooo excited right now because my bestest cousin Bethy is ENGAGED!!!! i KNEW it would be happening soon, but was curious to see how soon after her return from seeing me that it would become official. :) she told me they've decided on Oct 7th as the date. From talking to her while she was here i can tell that they're crazy about eachother, and i'm soooo happy for her! :) i can't wait to see her on her big day!!!! it will be amazing!

I Miss My Hubby...

That pretty much says it all. i miss him. alot. you'd expect it to get easier.. but i think its getting worse :(. i think my mental breakdowns are happening more and more often, and its getting harder to snap out of it and get through the day without being sad. i just miss him. i'm ready for him to be home... thank goodness theres only three more weeks. on nights like tonight when Connor refuses to sleep, i just want to curl up in a little ball and cry my eyes out. but it doesn't accomplish anything, so i dont. but that doesn't stop me from wishing i could. i can't decide if it was easier before Connor was here, or now. yes its nice to not be alone, and to have someone to focus on and take care of and love, but it hard to live the single mom life. i'm very very VERY ready for Caleb to be back home. i know he'll be busy the majority of the time, but i need to have our little snuggle sessions again where i can just talk and talk and talk about whatever i feel like. i miss my best friend! :(

Enough of my boring old sob story. on to the more interesting things in life. this week Connor and i have been trying to keep busy! i'm working on getting Connor started on a routine. i need to find a bit of an easy, expected schedule in my days instead of all the chaos. He seems to be adapting relatively well, but he still wakes up for a feeding in the middle of the night even though he doesn't necessarily need it (i honestly think he just does it out of habit, and i'm hoping to change that!) and he seems to have trouble falling asleep at bed time. he'll sleep for 15- 30 minutes then wake up and want to be held, just to fall back asleep after like 15 minutes. i'm not quite sure the reasoning for it, but i'm hoping we will get it figured out. i didn't have to work very hard at scheduling naps during the day because he already had a bit of a habit with his naps. he takes a short nap in the early afternoon, then a longer one after lunch time, and usually another very very short one in the early evening. it seemed odd to me at first... but he did it very regularly so i'm just letting him continue it until it stops working for us. i used to not ever go out, so i would just run errands at the times that seemed suitable, but lately i've been having different appointments and going out more, so i decided it was best if i knew when his naps usually are, so i know when its best to schedule things and when it will throw of his daily routine and cause problems. yes, he is a very very sweet baby, but he sure does have a temper when he gets too tired!!!!

I have been continuing my pilates workout every morning, and i can honestly say i'm enjoying it. i feel healthier and seem to have more energy. i like it. i ate a pizza for dinner the other night, and the next morning felt soooo sluggish and tired, and could barely do my workout. i think it may encourage me to eat healthier so i can keep up the workouts and not feel so horrible during them! yesterday we even went on a walk in the evening after it cooled down outside. it was about a 1/2 hr walk, and i kept up a pretty brisk pace the whole time, so it was definitely a bit of cardio to add to my workout. i enjoyed it and i'm thinking of making a habit of doing it a few times a week. i was at my doctors this week because i had a somewhat suspicious looking mole my doctor wanted to send off to a lab just in case there was anything to worry about, and i was really excited because i've lost more baby weight! yay! im down to 144! it still seems like alot to me, and before this pregnancy i had never ever EVER been anywhere close to that weight, so i'm still a bit intimidated by the amount to loose, but i'm determined. my sister told me shes 5 lbs lighter now than she was when she got pregnant, so im determined to do the same. hopefully if i work my butt off it will start to show! atleast in time for our trip to idaho... i'd hate for everyone there to see me and think "oh wow... she's gotten huge". i don't want my weight to be the first thing anyone notices. but i would LOVE if there reaction was "wow... she really just had a baby?!?!!?" that would be great. and its also highly unrealistic, but who cares. if you shoot for the moon, you may end up reaching a star! and thats still an improvement right???

i went to the dentist for the first time in nearly 18 months, and once again, not a single cavity!!! yay! i was so proud of myself. 21 and never had a cavity. i got complimented for my great teeth! i thank my mother for them. :) i even made sure to tell her that today. she told my my baby bro is getting braces on Wednesday. he needs them bad i know, but i hated my braces! i feel bad for him. i'm grateful i had them, and i love my nice smile now, but they're a pain. but i know his teeth are a million times worse than mine ever were though, so i'm sure this will be a great thing for him. Also this week i found out that i totally forgot i had only 60 days to get Connor enrolled in TriCare (the military insurance), and had to rush to mail Caleb Connor's birth certificate and social security card so he can get him into DEERS so i can get him in TriCare. its a pain.... thats all i have to say. i'm really hopeful that it won't take long though because Connor has his two month checkup next thursday when he's supposed to get his shots... i may have to postpone it until his insurance becomes effective though. i don't know how long that will take.... ugh the joys of insurance. i'm grateful to have it though, and i'm well aware the amount of money it saves us. i'm currently triple covered, and i was pleasantly shocked when i found out how much money it saved us from Connor's birth. kind of a relief to pay nearly nothing for him! babies are ridiculously expensive.... but i think Connor is well worth it :).

Post - Baby Body = GRRRRRRR

Today i did a much dreaded thing.... i went through all my pre-pregnancy clothes. Now there's unfortunately not much left. I have started doing pilates everyday, and i'm trying to eat healthy, but unfortunately for me i don't understand the difference between normal food and healthy food. i don't' understand what things to avoid, and how much of each thing to eat... and diets are not my forte. My way of eating healthy is avoiding snacky food, and dessert, which is INCREDIBLY hard for me. i'm sure i'm doing everything wrong, but i'm trying to tell myself that i'm making an effort so it counts. I have been a bit surprised at myself lately because i want soooo bad to go for a run. i HATE running. they usually end in an asthma attack, and they normally only last a few minutes. but, i have no one to leave Connor with. I'm sure i could always ask a friend from the ward, but i don't' want to drive Connor over, just to drive back while i run and other things for maybe 30 minutes, then drive back and pick him up, just to drive back home again. it seems a waste. then i get all discouraged because i don't think i'm working out enough for it to count. i'm doing about 25 minutes of pilates a day.... but i can't really expect there to be any obvious results after only a week... but it would be alot more encouraging if it did! :( atleast i've been sore... that must mean its doing something, even if its not much.  i am keeping most of my pre-pregnancy size pants and skirts because i'm hoping to one day (hopefully sometime in the next year) fit into them again. pretty much every single one of my dresses are gone though, due to the fact that my bust size doesn't allow them to zip up past that point now, or i can't pull the dress past that point. and the majority of my nice dress shirts also have that problem. my mother said i shouldn't count on ever fitting that back into the old size, so i guess there was no point in keeping them hoping to shrink back. and i'm ok with that though. so, nearly all my nice dressy clothes are gone, and i'm left with a bunch of over-sized t-shirts, and my maternity pants that are huge now so i look a million times bigger than i really am. its slightly disheartening :(. i wish we had a ton of money so i could buy a new wardrobe that actually fits! i guess all of this is nice for my dear sister Jessica who wanted to have my dresses anyways, but i wouldn't let her. now, her already plentiful wardrobe will continue to grow, while mine shrinks to near non-existence. lovely. but atleast someone is benefiting from this very annoying situation. i made the mistake of looking at old pictures of me the other day, and man was i skinny! i think my hips have widened to the point that i'll never look that thin ever again! i know Connor is worth it all, but grr i wish it wouldn't take so long to shed all the pregnancy pounds! i'm still about 15 lbs heavier than i was when i got pregnant :( and even then i was still about 10 lbs heavier than i wanted to be. i would loooove if i could go back to the 120 i was after highschool, lol but i'm pretty darn certain that's never gonna happen. i'm trying to tell myself that 125 is an ok goal weight to reach, but who knows, that's still pretty little and i don't' know if i'll ever be that way again!. its frustrating to have to tell myself i need to loose like 20 lbs! or maybe more... i made myself promptly forget the weight i was at my last doctor appoinment. but i remember thinking WHAT THE?!?!?!!?!? not fun :(.  so, i've been working hard at trying to make some goals for myself. hopefully i will be able to keep it up, cuz i'm going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding in September, and i'd hate to look ginormous next to every one of the skinny cute girls. cross your fingers for me!!!

Fun Memories to Pass the Time

My bestest cousin Bethy came to see me!!!! :) it was soooo much fun! We got to talk about so much, and it made me so happy to see her so happy! It has been crazy seeing how much we've both changed and grown over the years, but i love that we've managed to stay close despite the distance. We did some fun stuff while she was here like taking Connor to the pool for the first time, and going to visit a ghost town, and even braving the horrible heat in my apartment when the AC went out. We talked a ton, and watched chick flicks, and laughed over memories and the new dumb stuff we did like driving forever across town because i'm a dummy... haha i don't think either of us are very good navigators! It was so great having her here! It helped distract me from missing Caleb, and it was wonderful to have someone here to help with Connor! So glad she got to come!!! :) We made some great memories :)


Caleb should be home in one more month. i'm soooo anxious for it! I've began to miss him horribly... i realized he's been gone for almost 6 months. i want him to be home with me again, and to be able to watch Connor grow. I know its hard on him to not be here sharing these experiences with us, and i try hard to help keep him from getting too lonely or sad. Technically there's only a few more weeks, so i'm just trying to tell myself it will go by fast if i keep myself busy busy busy. I'm distracting myself by making all sorts of plans for our big trip to Idaho in September. I'm sooo excited for it! :) i have so many friends i want to see, and i miss my family! While we're there i get to be in one of my best friend's weddings, and i am so excited to get to share a part in her big day! While we're there we will be having a few big days ourselves :) we are finally going to get to go through the temple!!!! It has been a long wait, but its finally going to happen! waiting all these months for Caleb to come home has been a painfully long wait, but i know it will all be worth it! i'm hoping to get the temple scheduled this next week and then we will have a for sure date! i can't wait for our little family to be sealed together for eternity!!!

Connor is getting so big! i can't believe time is going by so fast... he was supposed to stay teeny weeny forever! He has started making all sorts of new faces, and also new sounds. Lately he makes this little clicking sound with his tongue. he coos and i think he tries to laugh sometimes! he loves when i hold him so he can stand, and he has developed a new habit of grabbing my hair. He ADORES his baths, and always gets all smiley when he gets them, and also when he gets diaper changes. not sure what it is about that changing table, but he always stops crying when i set him on it! He loves squealing and staring at my fanny faces i make at him, and he LOVES attention. in fact, he gets mad when i don't pay enough attention. He burps easy, eats well, sleeps well (when he wants to be sleeping), and overall is a perfectly sweet baby boy. I'm lucky enough to not get peed on very often, and he's only pooped in his bath once, although he does seem to be a fan of peeing in it. he rarely causes problems, and loves to snuggle! needless to say, i completely adore him. :)