Boy, oh Boy!

Well, it's a boy! We had the big ultrasound today and its was plain as day, no mistaking, that our little one is most definently a he. i was slighly disappointed, and cried a tiny bit, but i soon reconciled myself to the idea that boys are just as fun, even if they don't get the cutsey stuff or frills! everything is looking great, and as far as they could tell there were no problems to be seen. his heart rate was 143, and he was right on track with size! he was so cute and kept turning away from the camera and covering his little face. and he was moving all over the place! several times she told us "he sure is a feisty one!" and "thats a stubborn boy you got" when she was trying to get his attention so he would face the camera for a good picture. what a little cutie! minda is very excited that her little boy will have a bestest cousin just like we both had  growing up! i should have expected it to be that way, cuz it just fits. perfect arrangement! i suppose someone up there had it all planned out that way. :)

we are sooooo excited to go to idaho in two weeks!!!!! its pretty much all i talk about besides our little sweetheart! can't wait to see my mommy and daddy and my family and cousins!!!!!! we want to make the most of the trip since Caleb's BCT date got moved up. :( it is now january 24th instead of february 28th. i really hate when the military pulls that on me!!! i keep telling myself "the sooner he leaves, the sooner he comes back!" but i am still slightly bitter that they took 5 weeks away from me that i was planning on having! now i will have to pick out all the baby stuff all by myself! but atleast he will get home 5 weeks sooner now, and will get to spend more time with our little Conner! oh, we've picked the name Conner Scott Barthlome! :) i forgot to mention that part. i'm still kinda giddy with excitement and my brain is lost somewhere lol. we are hoping that our trip home will be a good break before he leaves. it hasn't quite sunked into me yet that i only have 5-6 weeks left with him, but i think it will hit me hard once january comes. i'm just hoping i handle it ok. everyone at work has been very kind, and offering to let me hang out with them and do anything i need. its very nice. and Jessie may come stay with me for a little while! and many of my dearest friends (cousins included) have offered to come visit me for a little while so i don't get so lonely! it makes me feel very loved to know they would consider doing that for me! i truly am one lucky girl to have the life i've been given! an amazing husband, wonderful friends, a fantastic family, and my own precious little baby on the way! why do i complain so much about my life, when i have been blessed with so many wonderful things????

Holiday Crazies

I don't think I've ever fully realized how crazy it gets during the holidays!!! This year has cured me of any naive assumptions that the holidays are all relaxation and fun. Now that thanksgiving is over, i don't think it has any intention of slowing down until after new years is over. ugh. working in retail has definitely opened my eyes to the holiday rush. Working Black Friday was QUITE the experience. why is it that everyone is so focused on themselves during the holidays, instead of wanting to spread the holiday cheer???? i just find it completely wacko.

I was lucky enough to get Thanksgiving day off, and so Caleb and i made ourselves a delicious feast, including a turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, corn, and pumpkin pie! i would say it was definitely a success. i felt bad because Caleb did most of the cooking.... but it tasted sooooo yummy! he is definitely a better cook then i am. Caleb's mom sent us pictures of the girls and her, and i got to call my mom and talk to her and my sisters. Deanna and the girls went to Cascade and stayed in a hotel and went out for thanksgiving dinner, and my family did their own yummy meal this year since Melinda and Mitchell and Jess were all there. Then they went out to Middleton for dessert and family time with Dad's side of the family. i hope it was fun for them! it made me very homesick, and made me miss my cousins! I had decided that i wanted to go at midnight to Walmart for their Black Friday sales, and all i can say is that it was definitely an adventure; the first and probably last time for a long while. people were CRAZY!!!! we didn't get very much stuff, but we stayed within our budget and got some nice presents that we needed. i am making us wrap them up and put them under our tree! oh and i forgot to mention that we put it up! i begged Caleb to let us put it up after we ate our feast, and because he loves me so much, we did. :) i was very happy about it, and sent my family a picture when it was done! they put theirs up yesterday, and sent us a picture and it made me very homesick. that's the first year i have ever missed out on it! :( but, i am definitely counting down the days until we get to go on our trip to Idaho!!!! only one more month! and Beth is coming too from Utah so i will get to spend time with her and we will all be together at Pinetop! I'm very excited about it. it should be alot of fun.

We went to our third doctor's appointment this week, and now have a date for when we will find out the gender of the baby! December 15th is the date! we will be 18 1/2 weeks then, and we are SO excited about it! everything is coming along just as it should, and i even got my weight up a bit (so proud of myself!). i don't get nauseous anymore, unless something really gross happens, or i get way too hungry or extremely tired. we got to hear the babies heart beat too! it was 140 something.... i didn't hear exactly, but Caleb said it was 140something lol. he is still determined that it is a girl. i am worried he will be disappointed :(. the doctor said it was a good strong heartbeat and everything on the ultrasound was looking good. it had its cute little hand covering its face like it was saying "please no pictures!" hehe i thought to myself "awww just like its mommy! a little camera-shy cutie pie!" at out next appointment they will spend about 45 min checking every little detail on the baby and making sure there is no problems or deformities. I'm so excited to see it upclose!!!! i love my baby already. Caleb is one proud papa! he is sooooo good to us, and is always making sure we are comfortable and have everything we need.

Caleb had his first drill this last weekend! he came home sore and tired, but happy. i am glad he is still enjoying his decision. the second day they got to go paint balling and learn some battle techniques, and he was very proud of himself for only dying once out of the four times they played. silly boy. i missed him, but i am proud of him.

We are trying to enjoy all the time that we get to spend together this holiday season, and just make good memories. i am determined to weed out all the drama in my life, cuz i really have more important things to focus on right now, and so far I've already made big improvements. its nice to feel more peaceful and happy inside when I'm not constantly stressed and worrying about unnecessary dramas! there is enough craziness going on in this season without me adding all the pointless stuff too it! the holidays may be crazy, but its definitely worth it in the end :).

Christmas Time!!!!

This may be one of the first years in a long time that i have been sooooo excited for Christmas!!! Today, Caleb and i bought our very first Christmas Tree!!! We are going to put it up on Thanksgiving, since its just the two of us and we won't be going anywhere or having anyone over. i am sooooo excited to put it up! we have all my christmas ornaments and my stocking, put Caleb's parents didn't give him any of his stuff.  i find that slightly irritating, but i am not letting it ruin my good day! It is in the 80's here today, and i find it very depressing! it is soooo not the winter that i am used to! :( alittle snow please?!?!?!? i suppose its just different... Caleb and i are trying to find our own ways of celebrating the holidays, but i still miss the ways my family does it, and i wish we were there to share it with them. BUT on the plus side.... work approved my vacation so i will get to go home to good old Nampa for a whole week starting the 28th of December! AND we will get to go to Pinetop and play in the snow!!!! well...more like Caleb will, since i probably won't be doing much playing since i will be 20 wks pregnant then lol. no snowmobiling or sledding for me... but hey, snow angels are pretty safe, right? as long as someone helps me up so i don't get stuck on the ground and freeze to death lol!!! so it looks like we will be able to spend New Year's with our familys, even if we don't Thanksgiving and Christmas. but it is still exciting :). and you know what, i think it might be nice to share our first holidays alone together, just the two of us! <3 kinda romantic, huh? ;)

Something Called Life

It is hard for me to keep track of what i have and haven't updated info on.... I have been very busy with work lately. In addition to that, i picked up a lovely cold, and was sick all weekend, so today i am home sick, trying to recuperate enough to return to work tomorrow. Caleb does not want me to push myself too hard for the baby's sake, so i am forcing myself to take it easy today and drink plenty of fluids. I figured this was the opportune time to catch up on some blogging and journaling, since i rarely have the time or energy to anymore.

Lately my response to everyone's question of "how are you???" or "hows life going?" is "oh i'm alive...." and "well, its life." haha. that seems to be the only way to express it, and luckily everyone understands exactly what that means. Life is life. It has its ups and downs... its good days, its bad days..... full of surprises, but so repetitive at the same time. Life seems to be the only way to describe it now days. Don't get me wrong, it is wonderful, and i am doing very well, its just tedious....

 I am homesick like always, and being sick has made it especially hard. I am STILL waiting to find out if i will even be able to go home and visit my family this winter.... and i'm am sick and tired of waiting around for an answer while the plane ticket prices are steadily rising. it is frustrating, and when i go back to work i am ready to take it into my own hands and find out an answer once and for all! i just hope it is the answer i want.... it is very important to me to go home, and no one seems to understand. but... i will try my best to accept whatever answer i've been given, and remember that the Lord's timing is always best.

I don't remember if i've told you, but Caleb and I were called to work in the Nursery a few weeks ago, and that has been very tiring. The last three weeks i have missed it because i have not felt well, and i feel horrible for making it seem like i'm ditching out on a calling! I am hoping i will be able to be there next week while Caleb is at drill...it will be strange going to church without him! I feel stupid because i don't really know anyone... but i still enjoy our Ward. I just don't know what i will do when Caleb is gone....

Work has been exhausting with the Holiday season starting... it seems like there are never enough people working to get everything done we are supposed to, and Management seems to be rushing EVERYTHING out, and giving us a million extra things to do every day. It makes me frustrated and worn out...and i just hope i will have the patience not to throw a hissy-fit about it, and just do what they ask me to without complaint. My coworkers are very nice, and i only have problems with certain ones...a grumpy lady named Elizabeth that i don't have to work with very much,... and then sometimes a guy named Weston. He is nice, he just likes to argue and get people's goat, and i just don't have the patience for that with this pregnancy... i ended up in tears one day, and many others i have had to literally bite my lip to keep from saying things i don't mean, and literally hold myself back from punching him in the face. I know he doesn't mean to, its just frustrating, and i just can't handle him sometimes. but other than that i don't really have any problems with anyone.

We got a new starter for the truck so that we wouldn't have to worry about getting stranded in places, and it was pretty pricey. One night i was stuck at work til almost 1 because it wouldn't start and i just bawled my head off. i felt bad because once again my parents stepped up to help us with money. I know they don't help Minda and Mitchell near us much as they help us, and i just hope its not causing problems... i really hate to ask for help so often.... i just hope they know we are grateful. This last week we again had to replace a part, when the truck decided to stall out on my way to work and leave me in the middle of a busy road. instantly i started calculating all the different amounts of money it could cost, and how much we do not have.... but luckily for us the Lord blessed us, and i did not cost us much at all. The person that happened to be right behind me was a gentleman who was a mechanic at one point, and the people right behind him was the Fire Department. So with their assistance they pulled me out of the road and quickly found the problem. Then the Fire Department transported us right down the road to an Autozone where i paid about $30 for a new ignition coil. Then the very kind gentleman installed it, and i was back on the road in under an hour. I felt very blessed, and i know that it is because we have been continuing to pay our tithing even though the times are rough that we recieved those blessings.

Life is continuing on just like it should... and there doesn't seem to be any new, exciting news to share. The baby is doing well, and i have started to show, and i find it all very exciting. the nauseousness seems to be subsiding, and i only have problems when i get hungry. i believe the mood swings are calming down too... i just hope this little cold has not caused any complications.

Keisha has moved back to Idaho, and Micah will be joining her in December. We only saw eachother a few times while she was here, and we have rarely only spoken once since she left, and all i can say is i wish her the best. I don't think it is beneficial for me to get caught up in drama anymore, so its kinda a "good riddance to you" kind of thing. I am determined to move past any relationships that are dragging me down emotionally, because i really can't handle any more drama than my own right now. If people can't be happy for me, and are only faking it, then they can go waste someone else's time. Now its not necessarily Keisha that is causing that specific problem, its just that i don't feel like naming names. it doesn't help anything, and i wish them all the best in their endeavors in life, and hopefully one day they will be able to look back and understand it all, its just not my place anymore. I need to realize that allot of the people who needed me back in high school, don't anymore, and it is ok to move past them. i can't hold back my life on memories, cuz life changes, and its supposed to. I know that i have many wonderful friends and family members that are still there for me and always will be, and those are the ones that i will spend my time thinking of, not the ones that forgot about me long ago.

But... the one thing that i am realizing is that all of this is just another part of life. You move on, you grow up, you change. if you didn't, you wouldn't be living. I think there is a big deference between living, and just existing. everyday i keep trying to remind myself "this is just another little part of a thing we like to call LIFE...."

So Far, So Good

This week was doctor's appointment # 2! She said that so far, everything is going well! the baby is right on track, but it was still a bit too early to hear the heartbeat. I was hoping we would get to hear it, but i guess that i will just need to be patient and wait til next time. As for me, she said i am not right on track. She was not happy to find that i have lost weight, and has given me several suggestions of things to try to get my weight back on track. I should not be losing weight because i have only thrown up a few times, so she was a bit confused as to why I'm not putting on weight. After talking about it, we think it is mostly likely because work makes it hard to take breaks and snack on food. But my mother-in-law suggested we buy nutrition bars and snack on them while I'm working, so that i do not get hungry. My doctor told us to get some Carnation Instant Breakfast, and atleast drink one of those a day when i am not hungry so that i am making sure my body is getting enough nutrients for me and the baby. We are also supposed to try to find Preggie Pop Drops or Vitamin B6 strips to help with the nauseousness so that i am hungry more often. I am determined to gain back the weight i lost and then some by the time our next appointment rolls around!

As i mentioned early, the only problems we've been having are with the nauseousness and the mood swings. My nauseousness has really been kicking it in high gear this last week, but that is probably because my hormones are at a high peak right now, and that should mean that the end is coming soon! Usually the morning sickness subsides by the 2nd trimester, and we are only a little over a week away! I have only thrown up once, but have spent quite a bit of time in the bathroom holding back and waiting for my tummy to settle. It has not really been a fun experience, and i hope it lets up soon. i have been an emotional mess, and am desperate to go home to Idaho! i have spent countless hours crying over it, and the thought that i may not get to see my family sends me over the edge.

I am still working on getting my work to approve me some vacation time Dec 28th - Jan 4th. I talked to a co-manager about it, and he didn't seem to worried that it wouldn't work out, and said he would speak to the manager about it. I am hoping for a final answer by tomorrow, and then we can hopefully get plane tickets booked. If i am allowed to take vacation over those days we would be able to go to Pinetop with my dad's side of the family for a few days! i would be so very happy to be up in the mountains in all that snow surrounded by loved ones!!! I'm very hopefully, and hoping that Minda and Mitchell will also be able to go those days. I miss my family so very much, and Caleb's little sisters too. They are the sweetest things in the world and i adore them! They are so excited about the baby, and sweet little Macie has been making us a surprise for it! It is so cute. :) I am continuing to pray that it will all work out, and patiently awaiting an answer, while keeping my fingers crossed that it will bring good news!

Minda and Mitchell should be finding out the sex of their baby in about 2 weeks or less! i am so excited for them! we will be finding out in December, and are very excited about it also! It has been so fun having our first pregnancies overlap each other! My mother is in heaven with the idea that she will be getting TWO grand babies! :) It feels good to know that our families are so excited about it. The only negative response we have got was from Caleb's dad... but he called me to tell me that he IS excited, it just surprised him. I wanted to say "yeah well, it surprised us to, but you didn't need to sound so rude about it!" and its really non of his business when we choose to start a family. That is between us and Heavenly Father. And in this situation, Heavenly Father choose to play a big part in it and surprise us a bit, and we readily welcomed that surprise. I know i should not be negative about his father, but i really don't have the patience, or the rationality right now, to deal with his drama. But i suppose that is a part of life. He also mentioned how is dear Leyla thinks she's to young to be a Grandma already (she is 37), and i didn't have the heart to tell him that she doesn't need to worry about that, because she is NOT going to be a grandma. She is Leyla and always will be to me, and to Caleb, and it is us, not him, that will choose what our children call her. We have never been introduced to her, and never spoken to her besides Caleb asking her some questions for his military paperwork, and we do not consider her a "mother" in any way, shape, or form. Because of that, we will not have our children consider her a Grandmother. They will call her Leyla, and if Greg has a problem with that, then he can be called Greg to keep them equal. We are not intending to alienate her from the family, it is just that they have made absolutely no efforts to include us in THEIR new family, and we intend to show them the same courtesy they show us. I wouldn't pick a stranger off the street and ask if they want to be my child's grandmother, so I'm not going to make a perfect stranger who just happens to be married to my father-in-law, the grandmother to my child. Sorry, but not happening. A stranger is still a stranger no matter the sort. Deanna is their Grandmother, not Leyla. My Father is proud as punch about our baby, and so is my Mother and Deanna. So it is them, not Greg and Leyla, who will get the choice as to what my kids will call them.

Well, enough for the negativity today. Lately Caleb has started calling me Mrs Grumper lol. He sure is silly :). He is sooooooo excited about our baby, and desperately wants it to be a little girl. He talks to it, and gives it kisses, and already knows the names he does and does not like. It is adorable. Needless to say, we are very happy about our little addition to the family. We hope that as our pregnancy progresses all will continue to be well, and that we can continue to report that to everyone: so far, so good!

Big News!

Yes, we are having a baby! We are 10 1/2 weeks along, due May 13th. We are very excited about it, even though it came as quite a surprise to us. We had planned on waiting a bit longer to start our family, but i guess someone else just had a different plan for us. So far we are enjoying the beginnings of pregnancy, because we get to compare and complain, with and to, Melinda and Mitchell, who are a month ahead of us, due on Easter! We are hoping for a girl, and they are hoping for a boy, but i know we will all be happy with whichever we get. We just announced our news on Sunday, even though we have known since week 5. We had wanted to wait a little bit to spread the news incase a miscarriage or anything went wrong. We have already been our first doctor's appointment, and had our first ultrasound. It was very exciting, and we loved being able to see our little one! The 26th will be our next appointment, which is in a week, and we are looking forward to seeing how everything is coming along. So far it hasn't been too rough of a pregnancy, just the usual nauseousness, fatigue, and mood swings. Caleb is very patient and understanding, and hasn't once complained about doing all the cooking and dishes, or the little tedious household chores. I'm so grateful for him and his desire to help me out! He lets me sleep in, and doesn't ever get frustrated with me. We are hoping all continues well, and that we have no big complications.

Yesterday, Caleb was officially sworn in to the Aeizona National Guard. He will begin doing drills next month, and he is very excited about it. His job will be a a System Signals Operator (or something like that), and he will leave to Basic Training February 28th. From there he will have 27 weeks of training. But, i did find out that when i go into labor he will be flown home for a certain amount of maternity leave days. I was glad to learn that, and it made me feel much better about being here alone having a baby. Caleb is very excited about his new plans, and is looking forward to the future.

Changes Ahead

Well, recently there have been many new things happening in our life. Some wonderful things, other, not so wonderful things. But i am trying to take the bad along with the good, and just accept my fate in life. Perhaps fate isn't the right word, because i don't really think my life is a set in stone thing that can't be changed no matter what i do. I guess its more like a path, or something inspirational sounding like that. But anyways, that's not really the important things i have to say. Lately we have been going through a rough patch in terms of financial stability (i say it that way to make myself feel like its a more interesting problem then just plain "we are freakin poor right now".), and anyone who has been in that situation can and will probably agree with me that that is not a fun place to be. I was lucky enough to be raised in a home where i was never in want of food or clothes or toys, or any other pleasantries of life. We were not spoiled growing up, but we also never had to feel hunger, or bear the burden of financial stress. Caleb on the other hand, did see financial stress growing up, and he did have to bear the burden of what that brought to his family. Poverty and debt can complicate the blissfulness of family life more than many other things can. But, now as newlyweds, we are also having to bear that burden. When people told us how hard marriage was financially i don't think we were quite prepared for what would come. We are as much in love as ever, but love doesn't get you everything you need in life unfortunately. Lately we have been very grateful for the job i have recently found, but i am still not making enough to make ends meet even half way. So, for the first time, we had to humble ourselves and ask for assistance from our ward. We were surprised at how willing to help our bishop was, and for the generosity of the church. and at once i had the overwhelming feeling of gratefulness for being a member of this wonderful gospel, and for all the members that are so willing to sacrifice and help those people in need, even if they do not know them. Although this was a hard thing for me to do, i immediately felt a relief from the stress that has been piling up and causing so many sleepless nights, and exhausting days.

Although we are receiving help now, we know that we must find a way to make more money. We are grateful for the assistance we are receiving but we know that it can not last forever, and that we need to be independent and be able to rely on ourselves. So, we set to work trying to think of ideas of jobs for Caleb. Somewhat out of the blue, Caleb began talking about the National Guard. He had mentioned this before, but each time i had promptly shut him down and told him there would be absolutely no more talk of it. But this time, i did not. I desperately wanted to, but deep down i knew it was right. I had spent so much time the last several years trying to erase that idea out of his mind, but what i had forgotten was that he has been talking about the military since as long as I've known him, and for my sake, he was continually shoving it into the back of his mind. But now I have finally given in. i don't know why it is right, and i have absolutely no idea what this will bring us in the future, but i have faith that Heavenly Father won't lead us astray, and that for whatever reason, this is right for us. I am terrified, and dreading the long months of being apart that will come. But i will get through it somehow. Tuesday Caleb will meet with his recruitment officer and do all of the enlisting things he still has to do. He has already filled out all of the paperwork, but he still has to take a test that tells him the job options he has based on how smart he is. After Tuesday we should know all the details, but i do know that they are planning on basic training in January - 10 whole weeks apart with little contact. This is very different from the plan i had when we first moved down here. School will have to be put off until all the training is done, which could take up to 6 months for his specialized training of whatever job he pursues. at this point i have no idea where we will be one year from now. i just hope wherever it is, and whatever we are doing, is what the Lord would have us do.

Before we made the decision to pursue the military, i had everything planned out. now i have no clue if my plans will fit in with the arrangements that will be happening. We had March 29th on our calender for the day we are going to be sealed. i am still hoping that works for us... but at this point, who knows. We are working towards having Caleb an elder by the end of November, which we are very excited about, and we were going to take temple prep classes together in January. but like i said.... i have no idea what the plans are now. But i just have to remember it all happens for a reason, and that it will work out in the Lord's timing.

There is other news to tell, but I'm afraid that will have to wait until a later date. Check back often for an update on us, because as you can tell, life is a constant whirlwind of changes for us right now, and will mostly likely continue to be.